What about time?

Time fascinates me.

Today is Oct. 7, 2015. As I sit on my couch, surrounded by two Golden Retrievers and four (indoor) cats, I reflect on last year …  when I had two Golden Retrievers and three cats. I note the sadness I feel today, yet also the hopefulness and peacefulness.

I think about the fact that my mother’s birthday is Oct. 7, 1945.  On that day 70 years ago, a feisty, intelligent, ornery, sweet and caring child named Nicki blessed the earth.  I’m certain that time brought the family great happiness.

And I would be willing to bet the moon that my 23-year-old mom felt pretty miserable on Oct. 7, 1968 — just five days before I would grace the world with my presence.  If you’ve ever been pregnant, you know how those last days feel.

For my mother’s birthday last year, my sister Kim and I took Mom to Dillard’s to buy her some new shoes.  The three of us probably experienced every emotion known to mankind that day.

Our mother had suffered a small-scale stroke just a year-and-a-half before, and, my, how times changed after that! After two months of rehabilitation, Mom was just about normal. She functioned well enough, but she walked more slowly and off-balance, processed information more slowly, forgot things easily and experienced left side neglect. She simply forgot she had a left side to use, and her left hand often found itself in her spaghetti plate at The Olive Garden.

Mom also stressed out more easily after the stroke, which I never believed could be possible.

So in Dillard’s that day, my mother and her shoe selections took up one-third of the department. Boxes scattered all around us, with some shoes matching and others not. Mom would be in the middle of trying on one shoe and get interested in another. And soon she would forget the shoes she had already tried on and want to try them on again. We helped Mom try on shoe after shoe after shoe to finally make a decision on one pair. We felt badly enough for the salesperson that we told her our mom had suffered a stroke, which caused her to make relatively simple tasks quite difficult.

My mom didn’t like it any better than we did. She felt self-conscious, anxious and exhausted when finished. Kim and I worried that we way overdid things for Mom that day.

Still, it was a good day! We had been together, and my mom had been able to get out for a little while.

So, yes, time fascinates me with all of its changes and complexities, and how, at the same point at any given time, a person can experience a dichotomous range and fluctuation of emotions.

I have often suggested to people going through difficult times to imagine themselves one year from now. What do you think that year will look like? What do you think you will be feeling? Will what you are experiencing right now even matter that much at this time next year?

The proposition certainly gives one something to ponder. With time being an ever-changing, never-ending process, one can’t realistically conclude she will be feeling exactly the same load of misery (or even happiness) in a year that she’s feeling right now.

If someone had told me last year that one year from now my mom would no longer be with us due to more strokes, I wouldn't have believed it. And if someone had also suggested that neither of my parents would be here, I would have been unable to function for the rest of the year. 

What I most understand about time right now is that it only exists in this moment. I have one minute out of 60. I have one hour out of 24. That's it. They might all be strung together to make longer periods of time, but I don't know that. 

I don't know about tomorrow, and I don't need to know about tomorrow. I only need to put one foot in front of the other and do the best I can to make a positive difference in my small world — one second at a time, one minute at a time, one hour at a time, one day at a time. 

That's it. That's my time. That's doable.  

Silly Goose!

Nicki planted a big goose poop right on Blaut!

My sister received this text (plus the above photo) from Dale Blaut today:

Kim, 

Tell Jami and your dad that Nicki's wish of becoming a bird has come true, and I know what kind of bird she is — A goose. 

How do I know this? Today as I was leaving the house and reaching to open my car door, I felt something hit me on my left cheek and splatter all over my vest and shirt. It looked and smelled like goose poop, and sure enough, it was. 

I have lived 68 years, and nothing like this has ever happened to me. I don't know what I did or said to Nicki for her to dislike me, but I assure you, the first thing I'll do when I see her in heaven is apologize. 

I guess the moral of the story is to watch what you wish for. 


P.S. I hope your dad doesn't wish to be a flying elephant in his afterlife! 


With love and prayers, 
Dale

***

I was reading this text to Jordie and Dave when Dale came waltzing in the door of Dad's room today. We were laughing hysterically, and Dale knew immediately why.

(Although, I do believe the word my mother used was "annoy," not "dislike.")

Dale told us when he looked up and saw what had happened, he said, "Nicki! What did I do?!"

I seriously needed this laugh today, Mom!

Thanks for sharing, Dale.

Eulogy for my mother

I made it through the service today and giving her eulogy without losing my composure ... although I nearly did a couple of times.

For those who are interested but couldn't be there this morning, here is what I wrote/said:

********

Mom’s Eulogy

I may have bitten off more than I can chew with this task, so I ask that you all lift me up so I can get through this with my composure intact— not just for my mother’s sake, but for mine as well.

You see, a couple of weeks before Mom made her way to her heavenly home, she was sitting in the kitchen with my husband and with Lucinda, one of her wonderful caregivers.

She said to my husband, “I wish I were a bird.”

He asked her why. She responded that she would like to be able to fly over people’s heads and poop on them if they annoyed her.  

I don’t want God to let my mom be a bird just so she can poop on my head. I need to do a good job with this remembrance. And the good Lord knows I annoyed my mother greatly in life!

***

I am here to celebrate my mother’s beautiful life with you.

But I want to preface my story with this scripture:

From Romans 8:28

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

I ask you to remember that truth as I share.

Mom’s stroke in October was horrifying in that not only did it debilitate her physically, it stripped from her something she valued most in life: The ability to communicate, to hold rational, linear conversations and to take care of those she loved most.

But as you can tell with the bird poop story, the stroke also broke through a communication filter — that previous filter that often kept my mother from sharing her deepest self with us.  While the way she previously communicated may have been gone, she gained a newer, purer and sweeter way of sharing her spirit with us.

Not long after Mom had that stroke and during a speech therapy conversation, she said she believed her life’s purpose had been to take care of my dad, as well as Kim and me, and her grandkids.

I believe she fulfilled her purpose, and in doing so, she ultimately glorified God.

Nicki Wilcoxson – May 13, 2015

Nicki Wilcoxson – May 13, 2015

Nicki Janice Sooter Wilcoxson, 69, of Amarillo, died Wednesday, May 13, 2015, in Amarillo.

Services will be at 11:30 a.m., Saturday, May 16, 2015, at Hillside Christian Church Chapel with Jim McKee and Mike Nuthman officiating. Private burial will be at Llano Cemetery.  Arrangements are by Boxwell Brothers Funeral Directors, 2800 Paramount Blvd.

Nicki was born on Oct. 7, 1945, in Slaton to Joe and Lorene Sooter. She grew up in Clovis, NM, until she moved with her family as a freshman in high school to Childress, where she also met the love of her life, Jim Wilcoxson. She graduated from Childress High School in 1963 and married Jim on Jan. 23, 1965, in Childress.

Nicki graduated in 1967 from Texas Tech University in Lubbock with a bachelor of science in education. She graduated in 1990 from the University of North Texas in Denton with a master of library science.

Nicki lived with her family in Amarillo for 46 years. She devoted more than 30 years of her life to public school education. She taught junior high history and English at Austin Junior High and Horace Mann Junior High; served as the librarian at Fannin Junior High, Palo Duro High School and Caprock High School; and retired in 2002 from Caprock High School as the instructional technology specialist for the Caprock Cluster. Nicki also served short stints with Region XVI Service Center and Perryton High School during the 1985-86 school year.

Nicki was an avid reader and learner. She loved gardening, cats, collecting, baking and preserving family memories. She dedicated her life to raising her two daughters and taking care of her husband. Nicki’s grandchildren were her pride and joy.

Nicki was preceded in death by her parents, and by an infant daughter, Amy, in 1967.

She is survived by her husband; two daughters Kim Migliaccio and husband Vince, of Flower Mound; Jami Wilmarth and husband Dorsey, of Amarillo; three grandsons, Hart Wilmarth of Austin; Jordie Henry of Plainview; and Cole Migliaccio of Flower Mound; three brothers, Roy Sooter of Amarillo; Dwight Sooter of Lebanon, Ky.; and Tim Sooter of Evergreen, Colo.

The family suggests memorials be sent to Amarillo Independent School District’s Caprock Cluster programs, 7200 Interstate 40, Amarillo, TX 79106.

What do YOU do with all those memories?

Note: This is another blog post my mother wrote, this time in 2007. Now I know where my deep affection for memories and things of sentimental value have suddenly come from!

I'm finding it fascinating that as I read through some of these old posts, all of which can still be accessed online, I am facing some of the same thoughts and issues my mom encountered. These are the things that make me feel closer to her, but also to realize that not all about aging is a bad thing. There's a lot to be said for wisdom and for gathering one's priorities into their rightful places. 

****

http://childresshighschool-classof1963.blogspot.com/2007/08/grandmas-attic.html

AUGUST 31, 2007

Grandma’s Attic

Today I took advantage of a cool morning to do something that I had been putting off. Some time ago I created memory boxes for each member of our family. In the girls boxes, I put special toys such as Jami’s Toddie Bear, (JAMI: OMG, HOW I ADORED TODDIE BEAR!) Kim’s Kiddles, newspaper clippings, knick knacks, pictures, Barbies and other items only they could love and hopefully treasure. 

I did the same for Jim and for me. I knew that those boxes contained long forgotten items from our high school days in Childress including our annuals. These boxes are stored in the attic and can only be accessed when the temperature allows us to, so we always plan our trips up to that dreaded area when it is cool. 

(JAMI: All of the attic items were moved to a storage unit last year. I'm itching to get to those memory boxes.)

Even though I put most of the items in our boxes myself, I am still amazed and surprised when I open them up and see what is there. Each item invokes a whole new trip down memory lane. There are pictures of Jim playing basketball along with yellowed and tattered newspaper clippings from his bulletin board that hung in his old Childress bedroom forever. Programs from past banquets and plays, all of my Trixie Belden and Bobbsey Twins books, my kindergarten work and the list goes on. 

(JAMI: Somewhere, maybe in a comment, my mom said she regretted that we didn't love her books the way she did. I beg to differ. MOM, that I read ALL those Bobbsey Twin books and loved them ... and I WANT them!)

Had I been a better person, I might have organized all of these items into carefully labeled acid free scrapbooks, but that never happened, the task having fallen victim to lack of time and other priorities. 

(JAMI: Give me time, Mom, this is my new goal.)

Now the task of preserving the past has grown even more daunting. Filling my attic, along with 16 containers of Christmas decorations and 14 more of Fall/Halloween decorations, are the boxes filled with the relics representing the pasts of our mothers and fathers and even grandparents. You know what I mean — labeled and unlabeled pictures back to the 1800's, report cards, letters, enough memorabilia from Jim’s Dad’s one year at Maryville College to convince us that his partying took precedence over studying, military items, and other “stuff.” These are the kind of things that grab our hearts each time we try to get rid of them and pile on guilt trips that cause us to close the boxes and vow to try again another time. 

(JAMI: OK, I'll make all of this my new "job," even though I won't make a living from it.)

The questions today are these:

What does one do with the items from the past that no longer have value beyond the sentimental? What is our responsibility in preserving the past of our families? Of course, we want to remember our families from the past, but what is the best way to do this? What would our parents say to us today if they could about these items? How would they want them handled and passed on? Do we close our eyes and the lids on the boxes and leave it all there for OUR children to deal with as our parents have done for us?

(JAMI: I'll do it; I know this is why God has put this exact desire in my heart the last few months.)

I know that Jim and I are not alone. This seems to be a common problem for many of us at this time in our lives. I would love to know how you, my former classmates of '63, have dealt with these issues. Talk to me!

For today, I am dusting myself off, closing the attic door, and perhaps I'll read a good book!

Nicki

Mom and Dad through their classmates' and her eyes

Note: My mom had three blogs that she wrote with a classmate a few years ago, Jennifer Johnston Smith. Jennifer graciously pointed me in the right direction with these. The blogs were about their graduating class: Childress 1963 — a particularly tight-knit group. The blog helped find classmates and reminisce, as well as discuss current events in each of their lives. I'm proud of my mom for doing this.

The following post is something she wrote in 2008. This is so everything my blog and you have been saying about my parents. It also includes the comments ... how amazingly ... amazing.

****

Voices From the Class of '63

MONDAY, JANUARY 21, 2008

Nicki Sooter Wilcoxson and Jim Wilcoxson

Jim and I would have a hard time telling our stories separately. For the most part our stories have intertwined since we were 15 years old, and now we have been married for 43 years. Jim says we are enmeshed and, yes, that is true so here we tell our story rather than our stories. We, too, will focus on the good and save the bad and the ugly for another day, but we will say that in part it probably has taken all of the good, some of that bad, and a little of the ugly, to give us a true appreciation for the really good we have today.

Jim and I left Lubbock in 1968 after graduating from Tech. We have been in Amarillo ever since except for a one year move to Booker, Texas where Jim enjoyed his first year of coaching. After many years in the golf business, Jim “found” himself, returned to WTAMU, finished his degree and got his teacher's certificate so he could pursue his goal of coaching girl’s basketball which he did for the next 20 years. He enjoyed a very successful career, winning two state titles with the Lady Raiders of Randall High School in 1992 and 1998. 

In 2004 he became the 135th member of the Panhandle Sports Hall of Fame. I took a more straight forward path and spent 33 years in the school system here in Amarillo first as a classroom teacher, then as a school librarian, and finally retiring as an instructional technology specialist where I worked with teachers and staff development. 

We have two great daughters, Kim and Jami. Kim and her husband, Vince, and our grandson, Cole who is 8, live in Flower Mound. Jami along with her husband Dorsey, stepson, Hart who is 14, and her son, Jordie who is 12, live here in Amarillo. Our grandsons continue to serve as a constant source of joy to us and we could spend hours telling you how cute, smart, and talented they are, but we will restrain ourselves unless you ask. 

We don't travel very much except around Texas mostly watching grandsons play baseball, but we are open to some new adventures so we have been to New York City and St. Thomas among other great places and have thoroughly enjoyed it. Both sets of our parents have died over the past 5 years. We do still have ties to Childress as we still have the Wilcoxson home there.

***The story of how we first met has been a source of amusement in our family for years. Stepping back to that time in 1960, when my parents dragged me kicking and screaming from our home in Muleshoe to our new home in Childress, they stopped in at the Highway Cafe that very first night in town for dinner. Sitting in the booth across from my family was a man who sold insurance that my dad had previously met on a trip to Childress. Sitting with this insurance man was his son. Introductions were made, and I was grossed out that my parents had introduced me to a BOY FROM CHILDRESS! Would the horror of that day never end! I suppose I was a bit dramatic. That was the night I met Jim Wilcoxson and the rest is history. My mother loved to tell that story until the day she died. That was how I met my "BFF". By the way, Jim has never told his side of the story about that night—Ummm….

Our story was previously published as a part of two posts on our blog:

Best Friends Forever (BFF) August 16, 2007

Where in the World is......The Class of '63 August 17, 2007

Posted by Nicki Wilcoxson

at 2:16 PM

4 comments:

Sheila Davis Martinez said...

Nicki, all I can say to your story is that the Gods of Good Fortune certainly were taking good care of you that evening when you and Jim met. I can remember seeing you two together on campus and thinking..."Oh...What a perfect match!" I had only met you a few times and thought you were pretty cool, at least cool enough for our Jimmy who just happened to be one of our favorites! LOL! That is a compliment.

January 21, 2008 at 8:31 PM

Jennifer Johnston Smith said...

Nicki and Jim, you guys certainly lived the classic "young love" fantasy a lot of us had ... high school sweethearts, going through college together, then a successful, loving marriage where you truly "grew up" and now "grow older" together. (Notice I said "older" ... you guys are far from "old" in your outlook and interest.)

You are such a complementary couple, too ... you just "fit" together so well. Wonderful! And what a blessing for me to have come to know and admire you both at this late date!

Yahn and I (and Guinevere the D.G., of course) wish you waaaay more than the 43 years y'all have already notched, along with great health, greater love and absolute joy.

January 23, 2008 at 11:26 AM

clara robinson meek said...

I loved your story-----a successful story of high school sweethearts. I can't imagine "you" as two separate entities. You're like chocolate & peanut butter! ------ two of my favorites!

March 10, 2008 at 1:34 PM

Nicki Wilcoxson said...

What a yummy descrption of the two of us! You know that those are also two of my favorite things. I am so glad you didn't refer to us as Tweedle-dum and Tweedle-dee! LOL

March 10, 2008 at 2:22 PM