Life happens ... however it's going to happen

AS IF losing my parents, having a sucky Christmas without them and then losing Koda were not enough ...

Our losing streak continues.

Dorsey got laid off last week. Second time in 10 years he's received this gift from the newspaper industry. Need I say we're done with newspapers?

But what a run. Newspapers put a lot of food on our table and clothes on our backs. We've had lots of fun, too. I'm quite thankful for the work we have been blessed with. Just think: It could be way worse. And at least now I have a business of my own we can concentrate on building. (Can't wait to debut my web site!)

The first time Dorsey got laid off — from the Amarillo Globe-News after almost 19 years — I was angry and bitter. I believed that act was personal, and I almost let the bitterness ruin my life. I had no idea it would take me several years to overcome the change of having a traveling man for a husband. Shook my world and my world view.

I've lived, changed and matured a lot since then, thank God. In some ways, this thing is small potatoes compared to other things we've experienced in the last 10 years.

Eh ... this layoff I see as, "it is what it is." I got over the whole "you shouldn't lose your job if you've been a loyal, excellent employee and have worked your ass off for the company" after the first time. I experienced it with Dorsey, and I saw many others over the years go through it, too. Too many to count. It's the nature of the corporate world, and it has no ounce of loyalty in it. (Individuals might, but not the corporate institution itself.) In fact, you ain't lived until you've been laid off, right?!

So, whatever. (OK, not really. I know this can be financially and emotionally devastating for so many; I just refuse to go there this time.)

Still ... it bothers me when I know how talented Dorsey is, and I know and see how hard he works. There's still that thought of, "But, but ... he's so good!" I'm like, "What were they thinking?"

I just hurt for him.

BUT ... life happens. And I know that when we fall, we get up. And Dorsey is way talented and has a phenomenal resume ... maybe I should post it? Heck, if I could hire him, I would.

I know we'll be fine, though, because my faith in God tells me so, and my experience with God is that every single time something terrible has happened, blessings have come out of it anyway. This time will be no different.

I'm tired, though. Physically and emotionally. I still have anxiety and fears. I don't like change. I still cry a lot. I can't sleep much. My body still hurts. (Those injections in my spine a few weeks ago didn't help.) Yeah, it's true. I'm pretty darn down these days ... since the day Koda died, it's like everything with my parents is brand new, too.

What I see is the upheaval of a move. I can't see that Amarillo will work out for us. I dread packing up 15 years worth of stuff and our (nine) animals and finding someone to buy our house and finding a new house and getting used to a new city and being farther away from Jordie (but maybe closer to Kim). Remember, I'm tired.

But if we move, I realize completely that someday, I will look back and be thankful it ever happened in the first place. Because that's life. That's how it happens.

It happens the way it's supposed to. With pain comes joy. With joy comes pain. With pain comes joy ...

On and on.

But, damn ... I'm really, really tired.