Drop your shovel ... part one

"Everyone has chapters of their lives they would rather go unpublished." —Downton Abbey

I love that quote, because, oh, how I relate to that quote. Unfortunately.

I have several of those chapters ... Again, unfortunately.

Apparently, I'm a slow learner.

I think I've worked my way from an F to a B, though, so I'll share a few insights I've learned from my own bumpy journey. (Ah ... one of the beauties of aging.)

So sad, but so true.

I have spent sad, pathetic amounts of of time running from certain years of my life. I've ignored that they ever happened. I've buried them. I've even pretended they weren't there while I was in the middle of it all. Geez.

But of course those ingenious coping methods didn't work. They never do for long. Instead, running, hiding and ignoring only made things worse ... which resulted in more running and hiding. At least for me, anyway.

Vicious cycle, it is. (My inner Yoda.)

That vicious cycle inevitably produces feelings of guilt, utter loneliness, shame, fear, hopelessness, helplessness, disgust, anger, deep sadness and grief. Those feelings feel horrendous, especially when combined.

You don't have to wait to feel every single one of those feelings, you know. As my dad has always said, "You don't have to ride the elevator all the way down." (The rebel in me refused to listen to that sage advice.)

That's a joke ... with a nugget of truth.

So, first things first, my friends: Stop. Just stop. Stop digging that hole.

<cough> Admit defeat. Admit powerlessness, even if it's just for now. Admit that at the very least, you've gone too far and need help.

I feel happy and relieved to say this: Humans need one another. Despite what you might have learned or might currently believe, you don't have to travel this journey on your own.

So, stop. Stop digging.

Once you've stopped digging and admitted you could use some help, get help! I don't know the hole you're digging, but you do. And, you know what? Not one thing under the sun is new. Not one. The Bible says so. (Ecclesiastes 1:9)

That means you can find someone, probably lots of someones, who share your problem and who have been there, done that, and are more than willing to pull you out of that hole.

I can promise you —because the Bible tells me so — that without a doubt, you are not alone. I don't care what you believe. It's true.

I personally believe most of us dig our holes long after we could have stopped. We've known for a long time we were in way over our our heads.

We just — A — don't know how to stop digging; —B —don't want to admit defeat; and —C — don't want to admit the deeds we've done while digging that hole so deep.

That horrible shame, guilt, loneliness and hopelessness have become heavy burdens to bear. Not only have we dug a deep hole, we carry sacks of rocks and dirt holding us down to smother in it.

So you know what? Now that you've stopped digging long enough to get help, "all" you have to do to breathe again is unload the dirt.

Just unload.

Yep. The truth will set you free. (John 8:32).

That's the honest truth. That's when you come up for fresh air and true healing begins.

Once you've done that, you will be amazed by how much lighter you will feel.

And because you've gotten help from someone who has been there and done that — from someone who truly understands the hole you're smothering in — you will get the direction you need to straighten up your life and get back to traveling a straight path where there's plenty of fresh air.

No. I'm not going to tell you how to straighten the path. If I tell you right now how to straighten that path ... you might not ask for the help you need, and I would be doing you a major disservice. So ... go ahead ... ask for help and begin the unloading, repaving and healing process.

Just sayin.'

...

And don't think you won't survive the process. You will and you will begin to thrive.

Drop the shovel and put your hands up.

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Next post: Life on the other side of the hole — you're going to be so glad you did this!