We've decided to take a half-blind leap of faith and move my mom into our house to be with Dad. I say half-blind, because we know some things, but not others.
For example, we know what kind of care my mom needs. We've been with her every day, sometimes all night and day, since this ordeal began. We know she can do nothing for herself. Nothing. She is not aware of her own safety. She can feed herself, but only if we cue her to do so. The rest ... total dependence upon others.
The one and only reason she hasn't been in either her own home or ours from the start is cost. Full-time (24-hour) private nursing care is expensive. It's way more than my parents have, we have, or Kim and Vince have. My parents' money won't last long with that kind of care, and then what do you do when it all runs out?
The strategy up until this point has been to assume full-time care for my mother will go on for years, and we have to make last what we have. My parents' long-term care policy has paid for what we've done so far; however, the policy will only pay $82.50 per day for what we are about to do.
That's where some of the blindness comes in. How long can we do this? I don't know. Kim and I are figuring out the finances (because that's her main responsibility, thank God). We have to decide what care to hire and for how long each day. The rest, I will do. The more I can do, the more money we save.
(It would really be awesome if I could successfully write and publish a couple of Great American Novels! (That's a joke.) And maybe I could get several more book editing gigs? And maybe that one book idea already in the proposal stage with the publisher will be successful? (No, it's not a novel; this one is quite practical.))
Aaaanyway ...
How well can I handle this, and for how long? I don't know that, either. That's another blind spot. All I do know is that I can do anything for 24 hours at a time. I also can do anything when I'm letting God drive. (I've certainly learned that lesson the hard way a few times.)
How well will Mom respond to this move? I don't know. (We think it's got to be better in a familiar environment with family and with Chloe.)
How will we get that ramp on the back porch built, in the space that we have? I don't know.
We do know the tiny wheelchair fits through our door spaces. That's good.
And, then, there's my dad's care. He's not going to recover. He will only deteriorate at a pace only God knows. The amount of care he will need is going to increase. We can only guess at this time how much he will need and when he will need it. Blind spot.
Obviously, we don't know important financial and practical factors. We also don't know how much time any of us have on this earth. So Kim, Vince, Dorsey and I are going to do what we believe is the right, loving thing to do at this time: We are putting my parents together again.
We are officially jumping off a cliff, half-blind ... but believing God is either going to catch us or give us wings.
I commend your courage and compassion. It is no easy task you do! I took my grandmother into my home in her final few months and my best advice is to remember to take time for yourself. May God bless and keep you.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing Georgia.
DeleteThank you for your words of encouragement, Georgia! Bless you!
DeletePlease get information about what home health care Medicare will cover. You may already know, so I apologize if I am telling you something you already know. My mom lived with me for 3 years and Medicare paid for some in-home healthcare during that time. Please take advantage of whatever aging services your county offers. There is much out there that most people don't know until they ask. Prayers for you and your family.
ReplyDeleteGod bless you for taking this on. About the ramp---perhaps your church has a team or group who could do this for you. Or the local Home Builders' Association sometimes does stuff like this for folks. Also, I 'think' there are ready-made ramps available to simply pull up to the stoop for the time they are needed on your home. If the stoop is low enough, a ramp might not be needed, only you will know that. Determine how frequently Mom and the chair will leave your home and go from there. My best wishes to you on all this in front of you.
ReplyDeleteHugs!
Thanks, Kim. We've gotten several suggestions on the ramp, but so far, haven't gotten it squared away. I'll work on it today. We plan to get her outside as much as possible. She needs air and she needs variety.
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