Welcome to the back of the bus, Grandma

The longer I live, the more I learn ... sometimes, that's just plain unfortunate. Sometimes, really, ignorance is bliss. 

Since my sister and I began the journey of finding the best place for my parents to live, especially for my mother in her current condition, the repugnant realities of growing older in our society have screamed megaphonically in my face. 

I am definitely not a fan of what aging does to the body: wrinkles, sags, gray, aches, pains, illnesses. I don't think many of us care for those lovelies. 

Interestingly, I saw an interview not long ago with two aging female celebrities, both attractive and youthful in appearance, but each noted how devastated they have felt to become among the "ignored" and "insignificant," in our society. I felt for them, especially in their line of work.

But as I have plodded deeper into the dark forest of my parents' illnesses, I've come to see that these ladies and their families – and others like them (i.e., relatively wealthy) – mostly have it made. At the very least, money provides the opportunity for one to get old and receive the necessary care in one's own home, once the body and/or mind have become infirm. 

For the the average American, however ... Lord, help us all. 

Let me illustrate.

Kim and I met last week with the powers-that-be at my mom's long-term care facility. It's the same place where she was in "skilled nursing." There is a difference.

The Head Power in the meeting described skilled nursing as having all the "bells and whistles." Physical therapy, speech therapy, occupational therapy, use of the facility's washing machine and dryer (really?), and even daily and nightly progress notes on the patient. 

It seems I had insanely high expectations for my mother's care once she moved into long-term care. How dare I expect to be able to wash her clothes there! How dare I expect to be able to ask staff how she slept and they know! How dare I ask that my mother receive her medications before she falls asleep at night! How dare I ask you to wash her face and brush her teeth every day! How dare I ask you to wash her hands after going to the bathroom! How dare I express concern about my mother's anxiety! 

Another Power in the meeting said something to the effect of, "(What do you expect?) It's convalescent care. They get three meals, their meds and a place to sleep." 

Oh, I see ... like when I worked at a prison where the inmates received the same "luxuries?" The kind of luxuries tax payers make available? And now we're paying thousands of dollars a month of personal pay to give my mother the same benefits? Oh, yes, that totally makes sense. What was I thinking? (Oh, and let me just add that my parents have a long-term care insurance policy. LOTS of folks don't, so the price tag on these luxuries hurts even worse for them.)

My sister pointed out (somewhat sarcastically) to them that she "gets it." She's a businesswoman, after all. She owns a business. The ultimate goal is to make money. These ladies are simply doing the same thing.  And, after all, nursing homes everywhere do this. It's life. Might as well get used to it. 

Blah, blah, blah. 

SHUT UP!

Really? Is that all my mother's life of service and citizenship is worth? (Or your loved ones' lives?) For the sake of the almighty dollar, it's okay to let a hag wallow in her own waste for awhile? It's okay to ignore the old fart because you're busy or you're preoccupied on the computer with paperwork? It's okay to let ol' blue hair be in pain for several hours after the request for medicine because you're too busy? It's okay for the toothless geezer to have to pee in his brief because no one answered his call to go to the bathroom in a timely manner? It's okay because, YOU, as the organization/business, won't hire enough people to take proper, dignified care of its residents? It's all okay, because, as another Power in the meeting said, "We have this down to a science."

(And those are the relatively "benign" issues. We've all heard the elder abuse stories ... although I think what I've described constitutes abuse, too. It's certainly not terribly humane. At the least, check off undignified.)

<taking a deep breath now>

The ever-popular "Serenity Prayer" goes like this:

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

I've been told to let this reality of life go, that it's one of those things I can't change.

You know what? NO!

Evil prevails when good people sit back and do nothing.

I am no expert in this matter. I've only hit the tip of the iceberg. But, let me tell you; I plan to get plenty educated on this issue.

And, somehow, in some capacity, I will pick up my rock and throw it at Goliath. 

Otherwise, you, me, our children and their children are living and giving in this society ... only to earn an invitation to ride through old age at the back of the bus.